Blues Brothers 2000

The Real Y2K Bug

If you’ve never been to Chicago, but want to know what it’s like, see The Blues Brothers. It’s the only film that has accurately captured the look, sound and smell of the London of the Midwest, right down to its multilayered  melting pot accents. This is one of the reasons it’s always been one of my favorite films. Another is because it worships, celebrates, and even parodies the greatest style of music that god has deigned to bestow upon this undeserving planet. The Blues has little to do with knowledge and a lot to do with enthusiasm.

The work of director John Landis are the same way. His best movies are like big, playful dogs – sloppy, clumsy, maybe even stupid, but ultimately and irresistibly lovable. He often uses non-actors in speaking parts, just because it’s fun to have them in the picture. If Landis has his heart in his work, it’s obvious in the result. If he’s disinterested, then you will be too.

I approached this sequel with extreme caution. It’s always dangerous to try to match a classic, and this one had a major strike against it from the start – the fact that one of the leads is dead. Making a Blues Brothers movie without John Belushi is like a sideshow attraction featuring a separated Siamese twin – there’s no point to it with only half the act, and trying to tie on a replacement twin is just plain insulting.

Dan Aykroyd returns as Elwood P. Blues, just let out of prison and informed of his brother Jake’s death. I guess Elwood got a stiffer sentence from their previous misadventure because he was driving. Of course, he intends to put the band back together, but first he gets a new Bluesmobile, and picks up some new brothers. Buster (J. Evan Bonifant) is a kid from his old orphanage entrusted to Elwood’s care for a few hours (but he never thinks to take him back and is charged with kidnapping). Mack (John Goodman) is a dumb bartender with very little personality that gets into the band because Elwood thinks he can sing. And Cab (Joe Morton – surprisingly the best singer in the bunch) is the illegitimate son of the Blues’ late mentor Curtis – and an Illinois State Police officer, who only “sees the light” and joins the band after a miraculous religious experience. Before you know it, Elwood and the band are off on a quest to win a battle of the bands in New Orleans, while trying to stay ahead of the coppers and the Russian Mafia. Along the way, they meet up with just about every living great Blues legend, some hot young talent, and Steve Winwood (?).

Aside from the setback of having a giant hole in the cast where Belushi should be, this all might have worked except for one thing: instead of being on “a mission from God” to save the orphanage like in the original, here the brothers are simply trying to get a job. Not enough motivation is given to forgive the reckless driving and ignorant behavior they engage in. Plus, a lot of the jokes just don’t work.

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Desperate Measures

Doesn’t Measure Up

Sony checks off another item from their list of generic thriller titles with this somewhat generic thriller from director Barbet Schroeder (Single White Female). Continue reading

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Deep Rising

Not Too Deep

A gang of pirates with a cargo of missiles hires Treat Williams’ ship to rob a ridiculously luxurious new passenger ship. Before they can get to it, the cruise ship is attacked by monstrous, slimy Graboids from 20,000 Fathoms. Continue reading

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Hard Rain

A Wetstern

Christian Slater and Ed Asner are driving the Wells Fargo wagon on a routine run, when they’re bushwacked by Morgan Freeman and his gang of outlaws. Slater manages to get away with the loot long enough to hide it, but gets arrested for the robbery by Sheriff Randy Quaid, who’s trying to get through his last day in office in peace. While Quaid and his deputies go off to find the cash, Slater breaks out of jail with the help of schoolmarm Minnie Driver (once again displaying her perfect American accent). Then all parties scramble and squabble after the money. Continue reading

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The Postman

Return to Sender

Kevin Costner’s new post-apocalyptic adventure tries to be much more than a land-based Waterworld, but goes too far. This one has such a bad case of third act trouble that the audience I saw it with actually booed the screen. Those of you curious as to what happens in the USA while Mad Max is kicking ass in Oz might want to wait for the rental, and then keep the fast-forward button handy.

Costner plays a wandering actor in a barren Pacific Northwest who just tries to stay out of trouble. But trouble finds him when he’s captured by the army of a petty dictator (Will Patton). While making his escape, he comes upon the corpse of a postman. Taking the uniform and mailbag, he uses them in the next town to scam a free meal, but unwittingly plants the seed of hope wherever he goes. Eventually he’s forced to take up responsibility for what he’s started and do battle with Patton’s forces.

So far so good – Costner has created an engaging (but long) Western scenario and cast it in a future environment. I can forgive the fact that the tale is set only 15 years in the future – it’s never a good idea to be so specific with a date like that as it seems unlikely that the changes presented could have happened in so short a time.

What’s unforgivable is the last hour’s steady and prolonged dive into thick, syrupy sentimentality without the slam-bang action to make it palatable Instead of letting the characters’ actions speak for themselves, he tries to force a mythic quality onto them and ends up ruining whatever he’d achieved. I’ll tell you about a prime example right after this ********** spoiler warning************. The film ends with a flash-forward another 20 or so years into the future, when the Postman’s daughter is speaking at the dedication of a statue raised in his honor. Amazingly, Costner’s actions have lifted civilization right out of its dark period and things are all hunky-dory. The statue depicts an event depicted earlier when the Postman plucks a letter from a little boy’s hand as he rides on his route. Which makes me wonder if the Postman wrote about the incident in his memoirs so that they’d know what to put in the statue. Costner replays a shot for us, in case anybody was asleep during that scene. A shot of the boy in the statue dissolves into a young man standing in the crowd. Nuff sed, right? Not for Costner. The young man steps forward saying, “My God – that’s me!”. So… not only is the Big Emotional Moment slammed over our heads, but we’re also supposed to believe that somehow the sculptor had such a detailed description that the guy recognized that the statue depicts him and not some other kid who mailed a letter.

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I Know What You Did Last Summer

When You Weren’t Dancing the Macarena

In this competent little giallo from the Wes Craven factory, four sexy recent HS grads with bright futures and no problems accidentally turn July 4th into Halloween..) While driving home from a beach party, they run down a pedestrian, then hide the body in an attempt to avoid further hassles. But by the following summer, they’re all so overcome with guilt that they screw up their lives and forget to shampoo. To make matters worse, they get terrorized by a spooky killer fisherman wielding a deadly hook. Continue reading

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Ozone VHS

Breaking burial ground

This 1993 feature is somewhat important due to the fact that it was one of the first ShotOnVideo movies that actually tried to look like a real film through the use of computer effects and software processing. It also launched the Suburban Tempe production company, along with its distribution arm Tempe Video. Director J.R. Bookwalter had previously distinguished himself with the zombie tribute The Dead Next Door and has now allied his own company with Charles Band’s Full Moon. Here, he goes more toward Clive Barker territory, combining elements of traditional cop dramas with venereal horror. Continue reading

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The Necro Files VHS

Sometimes Death won’t solve your problems

To quote Stan Marsh of South Park: “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.” This ultra-low budget effort from Todd Tjersland’s Threat Theatre video gore factory is one of the most twisted and wild features I’ve seen in a long while. For inspiration, Tjersland – along with co-writer Sammy Shapiro and director Matt Jaissle –  have gone beyond the Romero/Raimi splatter genre that usually drives these sort of projects. These guys are digging into the harder to find Japanese horror films like Evil Dead Trap. Continue reading

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An American Werewolf in Paris

A Canine Francé

This sequel to John Landis’ An American Werewolf in London uses none of the same characters, but many of the same situations and folklore.

Tom Everett Scott (That Thing You Do) and his two buddies are vacationing students in Europe. One night they sneak up the Eiffel Tower for some daredevil antics, but end up saving the life of a suicidal Julie Delpy, who turns out to be a mad scientist’s daughter and werewolf. Scott becomes infected himself and teams up with Delpy to try to find a cure, while battling a gang of Nazi werewolves with a taste for American flesh.

The animated monsters are more interesting than scary, but a light and lively pace is kept up throughout with quite a few new twists on werewolf lore thrown in. The real problem with this is that, unlike the original, no real effort is made to make the leads sympathetic. They’re just introduced as three typical dopes, no different from the leads in any teen comedy. They could be Canadian for all we know.

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Mimic

Gooshy big bug bash

This new horror thriller promises quite a bit. It’s director, Gulliermo Del Toro, gave us the brilliant sleeper Cronos, and the script bears the names John Sayles, Steven Soderbergh, and Matthew Robbins. It also has an impressive cast, including Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Charles Dutton, Giancarlo Giannini and F. Murray Abraham. With all this talent at hand, it’s surprising that the film isn’t more ambitious. It starts out chillingly enough, with scenes of a mutant boogeyman stalking the shadowy streets at night, but later turns into an old fashioned – albeit suspenseful – update of the 1950s giant ant movie Them! Continue reading

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