Galaxina DVD

Future schlock

Welcome to the galactic Space Police ship Infinity in the year 3009. Your captain is Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber). Crew consists of the dashing Sgt. Thor (soap star Stephen Macht) and dope smoking cowboy Pvt. Buzz McKenzie (James David Hinton).

All are horny for the ship’s only other crewmember – the Infinity‘s robot Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten). What sadist designed a robot to look like a beautiful woman – to be sent out on long voyages with lonely spacemen – and yet remain untouchable, sending painful shocks at the slightest caress? No one knows, and this low rent science fiction spoof isn’t about to explain.

Commander Garrity (Fred D. Scott) sends the crew on a 54-year side trip to Altair 1 to find the legendary Blue Star – a mysterious energy source. During the crew’s long cryosleep, Galaxina develops feelings for Thor, along with the ability to speak. She also eliminates her shocking mechanism so that she can be touched.

The ship is attacked by the Vader-like villain Ordric and crash lands on the outlaw planet Altair 1. With the entire crew suffering from whiplash, Galaxina must seek the Blue Star herself in an old Western town. She steals it from an Ordric, but is immediately captured by a gang that worships a Harley-Davidson motorcycle.

Buzz and Thor come to the rescue, but they return to find the ship taken over by a revived Ordric, who locks them up and watches First Spaceship on Venus on TV. But everyone has forgotten about the little alien scamp running loose on the ship (Angelo Rossitto).

This early spoof of Star Wars and Alien has a few decent laughs in it, but only has the distinction of making a lot of lame jokes on screen first. It manages to make the most of its cheap f/x, classical music and borrowed sound effects, but that’s about all. The alien cantina scene is sent up twice, with some of the same alien masks as in Star Wars! Look for USA Network’s “Up All Night” hostess Rhonda Shear as a robot girl in the space brothel.

Whatever poetry the film has comes from the ethereal presence of Stratten herself, with Galaxina silently and benevolently watching over the crew like a guardian angel. Stratten is gorgeous here – the ideal of late 20th century beauty.

One can’t think about her, however, without thinking about her tragic life. The Vancouver native’s natural beauty was fully exploited by her manager/husband Paul Snyder, who brought her to fame as Playboy’s Playmate of the Year. When Stratten’s career grew beyond his control, Snyder murdered her at age 20. She starred in only four features, but her sad life made for two biopics.

Rhino’s first feature entry into the DVD universe is not very impressive. Though this was advertised as a widescreen edition, such is not the case. The smeary full screen picture looks squeezed, with hunks sliced off both sides, and the editing seems a bit choppy.

The “hilarious” Easter Egg noted on the package is easy to find – and turns out to be a short collection of unfunny, computer-animated “screen tests” for the title role. Also, the cast biography section is difficult to read, and the feature lacks subtitle or language options. However, the menu design is fittingly cheesy, in keeping with the nature of the film.

If you want a good space comedy, see Ice Pirates, Galaxy Quest, or even Spaceballs, but Galaxina satisfies as space cheesecake only

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